From the nineteenth century Tibetan teacher, Jamgon Kongtrul the Great, via Pema Chodron, twenty-first century Buddhist nun, the slogan: "Abandon any hope of fruition" is passed down to me.
This comes as a sharp slap to the forehead as well as a deep sigh on the out-breath. Abandon any hope of fruition? Whaaaaaa?????
For someone like me, who avoids The New York Times Book Review for months, just because reading it is an arrow in the heart of all I haven't accomplished with my own writing, this idea is quite radical.
As Americans, we thrive on "hope". Our greatest poets give it wings. Our childhoods are puffed up with the ideas of "hope"--escape, softness, victory, a good and long and happy life beyond. We are taught to "hope" for these things--nay, to EXPECT that these things come to all of us, if we only...if we only...if we only... (Therein is the rub.)
If we only are good enough...try hard enough...dream steadily enough...are strong enough or pretty enough or thin enough or muscley enough or smart enough or rich enough or are funny enough or are blessed enough or are magic enough or talented enough or....
What we are never taught in America is that we already are enough. Just as we arrive.
Nothing needs to be added nor subtracted. We already contain enough to use this life up, fully. Completely. Successfully. (Since everything is truly "a dream" and 'insubstantial", adding or subtracting anything is merely fluff. Take away fluff from fluff and what do you get? Add fluff to fluff and what do you get? Nothing really is transformed or radically altered. Only a shape.) Perhaps.
Hoping for fruition is ridiculous because, even after we "get" the results we had longed for, that feeling doesn't remain. It is never "enough". It is always disappointing. Fleeting. Once attained, we often feel that "now we have to go on to the next level"...Like all addictive behavior, the rewards are illusory. The scars, though, they do seem more concrete. Their staying power outlasts the moment of satisfaction we might attain in pursuit of our goals.
So, I guess the idea is to realize that, a.) WE ARE, and that is enough, in itself. We just need to realize this and relax and enjoy where the dream is going. b.) Fruition is another illusion and never really attainable--or, if attained, doesn't ever hold the promised reward we dreamed about. c.) constant hope for fruition causes suffering and sadness--causes us to feel defeated, depressed and disconsolate. It also makes us miss the chances for authentic connection--because we are too busy weighing-in and competing. We are too worried about "victory" and "defeat".
We are too worried about separate goals, not realizing all has already been attained. (If you "win", then I win. If you invent something marvelous, I invent something marvelous.) There is no separation. Like individual cells in a body working together for all of our collective benefit, we all are affecting each other; sharing in each other's work and accomplishments--or failures. If it happens to you, inevitably, it has happened to me.
As a writer, if Annie Proulx has written "Brokeback Mountain", I don't have to. I can learn from, relish and pass on the lessons of that snapshot of America. I go on to focus on my contribution--my writing--adding what is my work to the completed portrait. Not because I hope for fruition and fame, but because it is who I am and what I do and I just do it. Wonderful if what I write is as moving or authentic. Wonderful the lessons I learn as I write. Wonderful if what I pen can offer hope or help to others. I just am who I am and contribute my best self where I can. Breathe. Relax. Be.
Yeah, it is better to have food than to die of starvation. It is better to have a home than to freeze on the street. But is it better to write a book which helps change the world for the good or is it better to hope to win the Nobel Prize for Literature and secure one's fame? We must work without expectation of reward--for the good of the work, itself. And because work, in itself, is good for our development and enrichment. There is no stop point to this. Fruition will take care of itself. Hoping for its arrival sort of defeats the purpose.
(Working for work's sake--not out of guilt or fear of a moment's silence or reflection or fear of being judged as lazy, by one's peers (parents)--but for the joy inherent in honest effort--that is, I think, what it means about abandoning hope of fruition.)
Abandoning jealousy.
Abandoning fear of failure.
Abandoning self-loathing.
Abandoning self-criticism.
Abandoning self-hate.
Abandoning constant competition.
Abandoning constant judgment of others.
Abandoning feelings of separation.
Abandoning defeat.
So simple, it sounds. So difficult to do. (Honestly.) That is why these attempts, this working life, will never be fully realized if we hope for fruition. Fruition would mean the end of Enlightenment. It would be a finish to our continuing development in the Universe.
So, we undertake one step at a time, from wherever we are. Begin. Breathe. Knowing there is never going to be an end to this journey. We just start.
This comes as a sharp slap to the forehead as well as a deep sigh on the out-breath. Abandon any hope of fruition? Whaaaaaa?????
For someone like me, who avoids The New York Times Book Review for months, just because reading it is an arrow in the heart of all I haven't accomplished with my own writing, this idea is quite radical.
As Americans, we thrive on "hope". Our greatest poets give it wings. Our childhoods are puffed up with the ideas of "hope"--escape, softness, victory, a good and long and happy life beyond. We are taught to "hope" for these things--nay, to EXPECT that these things come to all of us, if we only...if we only...if we only... (Therein is the rub.)
If we only are good enough...try hard enough...dream steadily enough...are strong enough or pretty enough or thin enough or muscley enough or smart enough or rich enough or are funny enough or are blessed enough or are magic enough or talented enough or....
What we are never taught in America is that we already are enough. Just as we arrive.
Nothing needs to be added nor subtracted. We already contain enough to use this life up, fully. Completely. Successfully. (Since everything is truly "a dream" and 'insubstantial", adding or subtracting anything is merely fluff. Take away fluff from fluff and what do you get? Add fluff to fluff and what do you get? Nothing really is transformed or radically altered. Only a shape.) Perhaps.
Hoping for fruition is ridiculous because, even after we "get" the results we had longed for, that feeling doesn't remain. It is never "enough". It is always disappointing. Fleeting. Once attained, we often feel that "now we have to go on to the next level"...Like all addictive behavior, the rewards are illusory. The scars, though, they do seem more concrete. Their staying power outlasts the moment of satisfaction we might attain in pursuit of our goals.
So, I guess the idea is to realize that, a.) WE ARE, and that is enough, in itself. We just need to realize this and relax and enjoy where the dream is going. b.) Fruition is another illusion and never really attainable--or, if attained, doesn't ever hold the promised reward we dreamed about. c.) constant hope for fruition causes suffering and sadness--causes us to feel defeated, depressed and disconsolate. It also makes us miss the chances for authentic connection--because we are too busy weighing-in and competing. We are too worried about "victory" and "defeat".
We are too worried about separate goals, not realizing all has already been attained. (If you "win", then I win. If you invent something marvelous, I invent something marvelous.) There is no separation. Like individual cells in a body working together for all of our collective benefit, we all are affecting each other; sharing in each other's work and accomplishments--or failures. If it happens to you, inevitably, it has happened to me.
As a writer, if Annie Proulx has written "Brokeback Mountain", I don't have to. I can learn from, relish and pass on the lessons of that snapshot of America. I go on to focus on my contribution--my writing--adding what is my work to the completed portrait. Not because I hope for fruition and fame, but because it is who I am and what I do and I just do it. Wonderful if what I write is as moving or authentic. Wonderful the lessons I learn as I write. Wonderful if what I pen can offer hope or help to others. I just am who I am and contribute my best self where I can. Breathe. Relax. Be.
Yeah, it is better to have food than to die of starvation. It is better to have a home than to freeze on the street. But is it better to write a book which helps change the world for the good or is it better to hope to win the Nobel Prize for Literature and secure one's fame? We must work without expectation of reward--for the good of the work, itself. And because work, in itself, is good for our development and enrichment. There is no stop point to this. Fruition will take care of itself. Hoping for its arrival sort of defeats the purpose.
(Working for work's sake--not out of guilt or fear of a moment's silence or reflection or fear of being judged as lazy, by one's peers (parents)--but for the joy inherent in honest effort--that is, I think, what it means about abandoning hope of fruition.)
Abandoning jealousy.
Abandoning fear of failure.
Abandoning self-loathing.
Abandoning self-criticism.
Abandoning self-hate.
Abandoning constant competition.
Abandoning constant judgment of others.
Abandoning feelings of separation.
Abandoning defeat.
So simple, it sounds. So difficult to do. (Honestly.) That is why these attempts, this working life, will never be fully realized if we hope for fruition. Fruition would mean the end of Enlightenment. It would be a finish to our continuing development in the Universe.
So, we undertake one step at a time, from wherever we are. Begin. Breathe. Knowing there is never going to be an end to this journey. We just start.
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