EXTERNAL DEMONS, EXTERNAL DELIGHTS

So, according to ancient texts, before Buddha was enlightened, there were some Big Time Ideas and temptations that crossed his consciousness. Very non-Buddha-like propositions. Seems that Jesus also had a share of alternatives crossing His path in the desert, when He was alone. (Or, at least when He was feeling alone...) So, if we hear of these guys, who did manage to get it all together, stopping for a second and at least "hearing out" the possibilities for fame, fortune, sex, drugs, power and prestige--all on a world-wide scale--how can we, possibly, deal with holding to the Middle Path in our mundane lives, without the benefit of Godhood, or Enlightenment?


There is a teaching in Buddhist doctrine which states, " Don't be swayed by external circumstances".
I've been contemplating this one for a bit. I think it means that, whatever comes up to our attention, in everyday life, be it taxes, relationship issues, even SUCCESS, don't let it sway you from your focus. Realize that all of these things are illusions. All will pass. All have nothing to do with who you really are or what you are really all about, on the deepest level. Or, if ideas sway us in our consciousness, we aren't to let them take us over, either. No actions nor ideas should prevent us from seeking, always, the Middle Path. It is the road to sanity and highest vision.


That's tricky. We are attracted to the bling of sweet substances and sweeter encounters. We rush towards anything that feels good. (Or promises to feel good.) Then, we seek to "own it forever". Become obsessed with holding on. With doing anything to replicate that experience or object or taste or sensation. We drown in attachment and craving. Ultimately, it can destroy us. (Read "Macbeth". Shakespeare got it!)


The other side of this sparkling coin is that we run, screaming, away from anything that smacks of bitterness or pain. We cringe and cry and flee from those challenges, not wanting to face a moment of discomfort nor "stretch", to see what's on the other side. This is what is meant by fleeing from external circumstances, off the Middle Path and into oblivion, yet again. Avoiding the darkness means never truly understanding the light...


Harmony might not be in sight, but it surely is out of grasp, if we cannot keep an open heart to ALL CHALLENGES. Neither fleeing nor avoiding; not bemoaning nor shutting down; nor even shutting out that which looks, on the surface, as upsetting. All lessons are valuable, the ancient texts teach us. Holding our seat, going through the center of them, not grasping and not avoiding, but simply examining, experiencing, accepting and keeping to the path, is the way to Enlightenment.


As Pema Chodron, Buddhist teacher and nun, writes: the point is, that challenges don't cease if you wish to keep your heart open...they increase...Realizing this doesn't make it easier, but it may make us give ourselves a break when we fail. Then, take our seat, once more, and remain open.


So, why do it in the first place? (Why all these teachings from teachers ancient and new? Why all these rules, regulations, vows, aphorisms, actions and words?) I guess only we can answer that.
In our own hearts, on our own quests.


Loads of people don't even ask the question.


(But, if you have, then, there are maps.)


Knowing this, no matter what external distractions are tugging at you, is the first step.
      

DON'T BE SO PREDICTABLE!

In advertising, predictability is what is depended upon. People see something flashy, expensive, dream-like, fast, they are attracted to it, no matter what it is, does or promises. If something is "sexy", based on what the dominant culture has accepted and deemed "sexy", it sells. If it promises to rid our pain or alter unpleasant reality--no matter if it slowly kills us along the way--we want it. We desire it. We dream and pine for it. No matter what. (Even those among us who know better (supposedly), the secret fantasies and yearnings still arise.


If something causes us to flinch--because the pain is immediate--we move away. If something causes awkwardness, discomfort, embarrassment, our first action is to retreat. To avoid, if at all possible, in the future. To remove it from our environment, and hopefully, from our store of "good memories". This, too, is depended upon when Madison Ave starts a new commercial campaign. Humans are  creatures of predictable appetites and habits.


But what if we stopped, for a second? What if we took the time to realize that the car we will end up paying for over and over, via taxes, tolls, repairs, running fees and gas/oil/electricity, will sap us for years passed its utility? It doesn't get us dates, not really, and not for long, even glances. It doesn't pay our taxes nor find us employment. It causes us panic and worry that someone will scratch or steal it or get a better parking spot. We also worry that maybe it will mark us as a "target"--for crime. It raises our insurance rates. It takes up precious space in our consciousness. It becomes an object of obsession far longer than it is worth our attention.


What if we took a second to realize this before signing the loan app?


What if we realized that all the Pretty Promises are not real?  All the spendable income we put out to make us more "something" does nothing?  Honestly. Really. And, if any of it changes us, for how long does that change last?  Is it a fundamental change? Or, do we have to replicate the process once a month, forever, to keep it intact? Does it really add to our self image or does it just bleed our savings and let us down? Are we truly better for imbibing in it? (Heroin takes away all pain but it also takes away all consciousness...Is this the promise of a better life that we are seeking?)


Change is scary. It is difficult. It takes time and consideration--constant consideration at every move. As humans, it seems that we are not invested in taking that moment to consider what is good or what is better for us. As humans in this era, we are conditioned to want an immediate "fix". How can we not be? Look at our bombardment of media, pseudo-spirituality, fame-based culture (in the West)...of course grasping at what is promised to "fix us immediately" seems natural, seems reasonable, seems attainable. In fact, isn't it a perversity to not desire this immediate "perfection"?  I mean, who doesn't want to be loved? To be rich and famous? To have everything?


It's Easter Sunday. For the first time in decades, I've colored no eggs. I've filled no baskets for others. I didn't even listen to "Jesus Christ Superstar". I did watch a documentary on "The Coming Armageddon", and one on the restoration of the "Gospel of Judas". I did pray and I did meditate and I did think about egg hunts, bunnies, animal rights, chocolate, and family dinner with ham. I am worried about full-time employment, taxes (still), and friends with cancer. I got a haircut, shopped for birthday cards and ate a lot of Thai soup this weekend. Later, I will help with clean-up of the family Sunday dinner.


How predictable am I?
(I'm writing this blog entry. I have been reading a book about documented cattle mutilations in this country since the 1800s. I have taught all week at the High School and then tutored all week, in my students' homes. I have played with and fed and given insulin shots to the family dog. I have found creative ways to cover rust on my Subaru and paid to get new brake linings on the aging car. I have done four loads of laundry since dawn and have a last load to finish. What pain am I avoiding? What pleasure am I seeking? What haven't I looked at this Easter Sunday?)


Take a breath.
Again.
Is the dream still going on?

DON'T BE JEALOUS

One of the first things I noticed when joining any kind of support group was that ultimately, everybody became jealous. Jealous! If it wasn't "who is progressing fastest ?", it was "who got asked out to coffee this week ?"  or, "who is the FAVORITE of the group leader?" Or even, "who bakes the best cookies to share?". (Seriously!)


Occasionally, it came down to "who drove the best car in the parking lot" or, "whose kid had the highest GPA"... Sometimes, it was about rival soccer teams, or dance competitions, or hair-stylists. Once, it was about the quality of "chips" at various 12-Step programs--which ones to attend for the best "bling" factor...and how a few people "missed out" by not attending THOSE meetings...


I guess I am most surprised when jealousy raises it's ugly head in the middle of a spiritual group. Whether at choir practice or in Bible study, this seems a bit antithetical to the whole reason for attending. I've witnessed Wiccans whacking each other upside the head over assorted sleights, in the middle of a Solstice celebration. I've seen drum circles break up, over people with no rhythm, just looking for some companionship. I've watched spiritual "healing groups" tear each other apart, smiling while they were doing it, over whose home the birthday of the Group Leader should be celebrated in. Why?


What are we thinking when we argue about hats at a funeral, or the roast on a High Holy Day? Who are we hurting when we begin to question if we are even valued by the Leader? (Are we there for validation by "an expert"? Is that our sole purpose for attending?) Who sets us against each other in the first place? Where do we learn such motivation? Why do we fall into these mindsets?

When I came across the Buddhist teaching slogan about jealousy, I first thought: "Obvious." But (as is usual with these phrases), something began to melt my skepticism and allow the slogan to seep into a deeper consciousness.


I started questioning what exactly IS "being jealous" all about?  When have I experienced it, beyond childhood? How does it mask itself in my daily life? Whom am I jealous of? (Why?) Where did I learn this feeling? How does it prevent me from accomplishing my goals? How does it stop me from loving--even myself?  What outside factors conspire to create this burden inside me? What can I do to confront this situation? How do I own it? How do I manage it? Can it be "cured"?


To find that this is something insidious and pervasive in our culture (even spiritually) demands close scrutiny. I know that I've stopped reading many great book reviews because they make me confront my feelings of inadequacy as a writer. (Or more profoundly, as a PUBLISHED writer...) Until I began meditating on this, I had lost the real motivation which propelled me to write in the first place: communication. Sharing what I saw (and offering it up as another voice in the wonderful chorus of community voices on the planet)! It wasn't about "publication", or even numbers. It was about the creation of my vision-- and then offering it up, wherever it would go. It doesn't matter if another writer got a better book deal or won a more prestigious literary award or was called (in the press) the "voice of his generation" (MY generation...). There is room for all. It doesn't make me a better writer to stew about what is said about others. It also doesn't make me less of a writer.




Too often "the business" of what we do overtakes the "why" of what we do. That's so unfortunate. It's great to be able to support oneself doing what one loves--for sure--but to lose our dreams because of lack of monetary rewards--that's tragedy. Jealousy can contribute to our downfall. Measuring ourselves, constantly, against others, is self-destruction on a Big Scale.


It can also stop our hearts up as surely as any plaque. Jealousy can create false scenarios, false accusations, falsehoods in general, that destroy any hope of honest relationships. Jealousy can rip apart family life as surely as any tornado. Long simmering jealousy is a wildfire burning up anything in its path.


It begins with me.
Right here.
Now.
Inside.


I've got to be brave and own that before any support group can touch me.

UNWORTHY OF SERIOUS ATTENTION

This is a definition of "frivolous". So is "acting with inappropriate silliness".  In Buddhist practice, it is a slogan to "not be frivolous". There is also the teaching of not falling into aggression, passion or ignorance. My guess is that frivolity is most often coupled with ignorance.


Ignorance about what?


Well, if I examine my day, I find a helluva lot of what little "extra time" I do have is spent on feeling exhausted and watching movies on my computer or on dvds. For me, I find this is a way to let my mind play in a playground of others' images and words. (Very rarely are these serious films.) Even more rarely am I not interrupted during the screening of these movies. (Phone calls; family interruptions; the dog's needs; an appointment half-way through the film; side jokes and conversations, etc.) These always water down the viewing of any film and create a false experience. At the very least, it doesn't honor the filmmakers. At the worst, it is "white noise" for my mind. A way of zoning out and not being present for anyone.


Why is this ignorant? Why is this frivolity? Can't I even take a break for a little while, each day?


Well, it falls into being "frivolous action" when I find myself dozing half-way through. (Unfrivolous action would be to take a nap or go to bed early, for once.) Ignorance of what I really need is reflected in the poor choice of actions. If my mind needs a break, a good book would better ease it. Or, weather permitting, a walk. Some yoga could help me unwind and refresh. Or Tai Chi.   


It is also frivolous when I might use the time writing seriously, OR meditating. While both of these are best done with no interruptions, either, I might at least get a bit of a start that could work itself into a focused session.(Same with painting.) Taking myself a bit more seriously will get me closer to my Highest Point, whereas a mindless film might take my attention away from a hard day's work for a moment, but will gain me no enlightenment. (It won't even make me feel better about myself or my conscious choices of spending life energy.) Snoozing through one more re-run of "Godzilla" won't make me a stronger writer--nor a stronger "anything".


Now, watching a movie once in a while, crashed out on the bed, or while munching a bowl of hot popcorn, is a valid respite--but it isn't a way to spend an entire day. (I find myself often doing this.) Sure, I also attend to laundry; taking out the trash; feeding the dog; shopping for groceries; but mostly I'm doing nothing but vaguely paying attention to a film that went directly to video--or worse, one I've seen in the past and didn't even really enjoy the first time. (Again, why?)


This is where analyzing and examining our lives can lead us to make changes that will lead  to enlightened lives. Not damning myself for these ignorant lapses, but just noticing. Questioning. Pursuing the "why" of the choice. Then, to stop for a moment before making that choice the next time. Perhaps taking a breath or two. Doing a bit of tonglen practice before hitting the "play" button. Breaking the mindless cycle. Making a better choice the next time just because I took a conscious moment to think through my action.


At that second, even if it is only for a second, I am practicing Mindfulness. I am being totally present and choosing a better action in that present moment. (The veil is pulled aside, if only for a nanosecond.) If I then choose to watch a film, perhaps my choice of film will be more profound. My attention to the art of movie-making will be more conscious. My enjoyment will be more pronounced. I will see something that I might have overlooked all the other times I fast-forwarded to "the good parts". Everything will be enhanced because I have made a conscious choice.


At the end of the day, while I review my life before going off to sleep, I can breathe easier and give myself encouragement for the choices, instead of beating myself up with criticism for another lost afternoon. Even if I fail to follow through, I can practice a moment of Loving Kindness (to myself), forgiving this ignorant action and embracing a new attempt.


As we progress on this path, there is also the promise one may offer to oneself and the Universe: I want this change to be reflected in my life. No more mindless activity sucking me dry. (No more outrageous silliness that adds nothing to my quality of existence.) I want this change to be permanent and for good. Wow. By definition, "serious stuff".


I WANT my life to be worthy of serious attention. I WANT each action to reflect that. For the world. And, for myself.