Monday, August 11, 2014

DON'T TALK ABOUT INJURED LIMBS

At first glance, this seemed to be a Buddhist saying about not complaining when we are wounded. (Somehow, being stoic after an amputation is rather severe, if you ask me...) Further investigation revealed a more everyday piece of advice: if someone has a blemish, don't bring it up. Not in public; not around the coffee maker; not in casual conversation. Don't discuss the "defects" of others. Period.


You know how that one goes--over lunch a friend drops the line about Susie's bad haircut--which opens the door to remarks about how Susie ALWAYS has bad hair--which leads to the fact that Susie's make-up needs an overhaul, as well--not to mention her choice of accessories! Pretty soon it's Susie who is the main course, not the chopped salad. An "injured limb" can be any sort of "minus" we perceive another person possessing. Questionable taste; a dull sense of humor; offensive breath; lousy dance moves--you name it. (Or rather, you DON'T name it.) People have enough lack of self esteem, they don't need others to pick at them.


The Buddhist scholar-nun, Pema Chodron, takes it one step deeper. She suggests we also meditate on our sideways remarks -- those little barbs that point out the "injured limbs", but not so sharply as to bring down criticism on our own heads. ( "God, Minns, that was a catty remark!") Some of us have distilled this practice into a fine liqueur, refusing to acknowledge what we are really cultivating.


Meditation, especially Insight Meditation, aids in getting to the core of our actions--the honest appraisal of our deeds is a way to great peace and Enlightenment. Of course it's scary. Of course it's embarrassing. Acknowledging, owning, repairing our mindlessness is lifetime work. Yet, if we are to become truly kind, it is seminal work.  

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