Correcting all wrongs with one intention is a slogan in Buddhist practice that basically comes down to this: put yourself in the other person's sneakers. (If they aren't wearing any, then, just stand in their place for a while...) All wrongs can be fixed with this action. For reals.
Pema Chodron, teacher, points out that we are ALL different. Different rules, cultures, tastes and even moralities. Soooooo....what may seem like a logical solution to a problem for one person may be the rudest wrong answer for the other. How to avoid this mix-up? How to not add to the pain?
Well, first you have to see the person in front of you. Actually look at them--into them--around them--and SEE. Not what you want to see, or fantasize about already seeing, but really really really look at them and see them for who they are right at this moment in their history. Then, you have to really really really LISTEN. Not just to respond, either. But, just to listen. To witness. To be present for what is being said. (Or unsaid.) Then, instead of immediately offering OUR SOLUTION or our response to what we would do to handle the issues...wait. Breathe. Be with that person. If asked for our opinions, then, maybe offer something but acknowledge that it is just feedback. No expectations. No "if you are smart you will take my advice"...no "if you truly respect and love me you will take my advice"...no "if you want help down the line with other problems, you will take what I'm giving right now, to prove your worthiness of my aid"...Nada. Just, there, with them. To hear them out. To see their pain. To love them unconditionally, on a level that isn't about "fixing" anything.
How is this healing?
How is this helpful?
Well, you can ask if they want help and then be willing to offer what is requested.
Or, you can acknowledge that you don't know what to do...which is awkward, but honest, and makes the other person at least feel listened to. Seen. Honestly seen. Less alone. Less afraid. Less judged.
It gives the other person a moment to breathe, too. Some space. Some comradeship. To communicate and to share--because communication, sharing, playing and working together in spite of our differences changes everything. Everyone--for the better.
What if we all could just play without keeping score?
Hmmmm....
Pema Chodron, teacher, points out that we are ALL different. Different rules, cultures, tastes and even moralities. Soooooo....what may seem like a logical solution to a problem for one person may be the rudest wrong answer for the other. How to avoid this mix-up? How to not add to the pain?
Well, first you have to see the person in front of you. Actually look at them--into them--around them--and SEE. Not what you want to see, or fantasize about already seeing, but really really really look at them and see them for who they are right at this moment in their history. Then, you have to really really really LISTEN. Not just to respond, either. But, just to listen. To witness. To be present for what is being said. (Or unsaid.) Then, instead of immediately offering OUR SOLUTION or our response to what we would do to handle the issues...wait. Breathe. Be with that person. If asked for our opinions, then, maybe offer something but acknowledge that it is just feedback. No expectations. No "if you are smart you will take my advice"...no "if you truly respect and love me you will take my advice"...no "if you want help down the line with other problems, you will take what I'm giving right now, to prove your worthiness of my aid"...Nada. Just, there, with them. To hear them out. To see their pain. To love them unconditionally, on a level that isn't about "fixing" anything.
How is this healing?
How is this helpful?
Well, you can ask if they want help and then be willing to offer what is requested.
Or, you can acknowledge that you don't know what to do...which is awkward, but honest, and makes the other person at least feel listened to. Seen. Honestly seen. Less alone. Less afraid. Less judged.
It gives the other person a moment to breathe, too. Some space. Some comradeship. To communicate and to share--because communication, sharing, playing and working together in spite of our differences changes everything. Everyone--for the better.
What if we all could just play without keeping score?
Hmmmm....
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