Wednesday, June 20, 2012

KARMA CHAMELEON

6:00 a.m.
A knock on the bedroom door.
It cracks open before I can open my eyes half-way...
"Your car is gone!"
I roll over.
"It's not out front! Somebody must have stolen it!" Mom is sticking her head into my room, falsetto whisper screeching through my brain.

"I parked it two houses down, Mom. There was no space out front when I got home..."

8:00 a.m.
My bedroom door swings wide.
"Wake up!"
I roll over.
"I know...my car isn't out front--"
Ann walks to the end of my bed, kicking it as she passes. "I'm not here about the car--though I did mention it to Dad this morning--it's about your kayak--"
I struggle up.
"Come on, wake up, you need to hear about this--but I don't want you telling Dad or Mom--"
I reach for my glasses.
Ann stands there, arms crossed, laughing, " Did you hear the dog this morning?"
"I only heard you and Mom..." I sigh.
"Well, she kept bouncing around your kayak and circling it in the yard...I knew something was there...I thought maybe the skunk was back. Then, two little furry things dropped off the ledge. I ran over before Maeve could get them--they were so cute!" Ann is laughing harder.
"What? They fell off my kayak?!!!" I am sitting upright, now.
"Actually, I think they fell out of your kayak--"
"What are they?" I shudder.
" Baby possums! But don't tell Dad--he'll exterminate them--if we just leave them alone for a few weeks the mother will move them off or they'll find a new place--your kayak is just the perfect nest for right now cause they're so little--"
"Oh come on! Possums?!"
"Yeah, so don't take your kayak out for a few weeks and it will be okay--I'll see if there's a wildlife sanctuary that can take them..." Ann leaves, chuckling.

I get up. No sleeping in anymore.

Downstairs Dad meets me by the coffeemaker.
"Leave a note on your car, next time..." he is laughing.
"What?  Outside on my car? Leave a note--for who??" I stop short, mid pour.
(Last week I got a fluorescent orange fifty-dollar ticket, which Mom and Dad didn't stop talking about for the entire week--for parking in the same spot I've parked in for a year and a half without incident. Now, choosing another place just two houses down, far, far away from driveways and fire hydrants and the edges of anyone's home, they want me to leave a note??Whaaa????)
"Here--on the kitchen table. So your Mother doesn't get nervous when she doesn't see your car outfront. Leave a note that you've parked somewhere else on the street..."
"Every time I park someplace on the street, you want me to leave a note on the kitchen table?"
Dad smiles, seriously. "Yes. Leave a note."

Ann is playing on her computer as I chew my bagel at the kitchen table.
"Possums may hiss, bare their fifty needle-sharp teeth and discharge a smelly green liquid, when threatened--if that doesn't work--they will play dead...Better leave the kayak alone for a while..."
Ann scrolls through the website.

I better.   

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