Of course, anyone over ten years old in modern times knows this: if you do something expecting praise, it will usually explode in your face. Lots of sadness;bitterness; self-loathing; revenge; anger and more than a little upset often occurs because people enter into actions simply to reap reward. Small or large, riches or applause, it boils down to the same thing on a molecular level.
While it is always good to GIVE thanks, it must come from the heart. It must not simply be an activity of manners (though Buddhists love manners!). It must truly be felt and be a means of connection to the other being. (All beings deserve thanks for sharing this epic with us...seriously.)
Once again, the simplest gesture is fraught with deep meaning. I guess this is the point: everything counts. (So, Man, if I say "thank you" and you wonder if it was a cursory line or I really mean it, believe I mean it. Please!)
After a year of working in several jammed up situations where I know I positively impacted on what was happening, I find myself still not promoted, still not called into the head office for that "serious discussion about full-time and higher-status work". I have demonstrated all the factors that they teach you, even now, in professional school: be prepared; be neat and well groomed; be on time; be pleasant; work hard and do more than what is expected; be fair to all; do not engage in gossip or negativity; be clear on goals and current professional standards; love your work. I have new letters of recommendation from past bosses, current peers, colleagues and even students. (Does anyone really read these?) I have made friends among my staff and administration and reaped their approval and recommendations, as well. I have thanked everyone for a good year, honestly, and let it be known I am open and ready for the "next step". However, there is silence.
In the past three years, "silence" has meant suspension in this place of insecurity. Now, students wonder, too: "Ms. Minns is a great teacher. I really like her. Why don't they hire her, full-time?" It is difficult to keep rising from the floor and seem like you know what you are doing; that you deserve respect of the profession; that you haven't committed some heinous mistake that prevents your being boosted up the next rung. Still, I have gotten up from the sawdust on the floor, trying to smile. Trying to accept what I do not understand. I have attempted to hone my game. To strengthen my portfolio. To be able to "fit" any situation where I have been positioned, even if it wasn't what I expected nor really desired. I did not expect "thanks"--but I guess I have expected some clear professional notice. (I know I've expected a job interview, if not an outright offer...or at least some "tips" on how I might change so to better fit the work environment around me...)
The point I've missed, according to Buddhist teaching, is the endpoint of all: desire. Once we fall into the trap, it dooms the outcome. Or, rather, it CREATES an outcome for which we have no real understanding. Like the story of the man whose son is hurt in an accident and walks, forever, with a limp, coming to realize that that accident has made his son unfit for military conscription, and thus, saved his life, I do not know what is ahead of me, nor why things keep remaining out of my grasp. I do not know.
I don't know why the people who should be seeing the work I put in don't seem to notice. (Others do, and for that, I am forever in their debt. They soothe my soul, even if they don't understand that they do. Namaste.) I don't know why I must continue to put my salary into a car that is rusting beneath me, just to be able to go to work. I don't know why I must teach subjects I am not an expert in, when I have proven I can teach subjects for which I've worked my entire life and am especially prepared to teach. I do not know why I have a life that is "stuck" in a kind of time-warp, when I've just been trying to do what the Universe pointed to as "correct to do". I cannot see what is ahead. Sometimes, I cannot even feel it...yet, I know I must trust the unknown.
Pema Chodron writes, : "Simply keep the door open without expectations."
(START WHERE YOU ARE; a guide to compassionate living; 1994)
So, I shall.
While it is always good to GIVE thanks, it must come from the heart. It must not simply be an activity of manners (though Buddhists love manners!). It must truly be felt and be a means of connection to the other being. (All beings deserve thanks for sharing this epic with us...seriously.)
Once again, the simplest gesture is fraught with deep meaning. I guess this is the point: everything counts. (So, Man, if I say "thank you" and you wonder if it was a cursory line or I really mean it, believe I mean it. Please!)
After a year of working in several jammed up situations where I know I positively impacted on what was happening, I find myself still not promoted, still not called into the head office for that "serious discussion about full-time and higher-status work". I have demonstrated all the factors that they teach you, even now, in professional school: be prepared; be neat and well groomed; be on time; be pleasant; work hard and do more than what is expected; be fair to all; do not engage in gossip or negativity; be clear on goals and current professional standards; love your work. I have new letters of recommendation from past bosses, current peers, colleagues and even students. (Does anyone really read these?) I have made friends among my staff and administration and reaped their approval and recommendations, as well. I have thanked everyone for a good year, honestly, and let it be known I am open and ready for the "next step". However, there is silence.
In the past three years, "silence" has meant suspension in this place of insecurity. Now, students wonder, too: "Ms. Minns is a great teacher. I really like her. Why don't they hire her, full-time?" It is difficult to keep rising from the floor and seem like you know what you are doing; that you deserve respect of the profession; that you haven't committed some heinous mistake that prevents your being boosted up the next rung. Still, I have gotten up from the sawdust on the floor, trying to smile. Trying to accept what I do not understand. I have attempted to hone my game. To strengthen my portfolio. To be able to "fit" any situation where I have been positioned, even if it wasn't what I expected nor really desired. I did not expect "thanks"--but I guess I have expected some clear professional notice. (I know I've expected a job interview, if not an outright offer...or at least some "tips" on how I might change so to better fit the work environment around me...)
The point I've missed, according to Buddhist teaching, is the endpoint of all: desire. Once we fall into the trap, it dooms the outcome. Or, rather, it CREATES an outcome for which we have no real understanding. Like the story of the man whose son is hurt in an accident and walks, forever, with a limp, coming to realize that that accident has made his son unfit for military conscription, and thus, saved his life, I do not know what is ahead of me, nor why things keep remaining out of my grasp. I do not know.
I don't know why the people who should be seeing the work I put in don't seem to notice. (Others do, and for that, I am forever in their debt. They soothe my soul, even if they don't understand that they do. Namaste.) I don't know why I must continue to put my salary into a car that is rusting beneath me, just to be able to go to work. I don't know why I must teach subjects I am not an expert in, when I have proven I can teach subjects for which I've worked my entire life and am especially prepared to teach. I do not know why I have a life that is "stuck" in a kind of time-warp, when I've just been trying to do what the Universe pointed to as "correct to do". I cannot see what is ahead. Sometimes, I cannot even feel it...yet, I know I must trust the unknown.
Pema Chodron writes, : "Simply keep the door open without expectations."
(START WHERE YOU ARE; a guide to compassionate living; 1994)
So, I shall.
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