Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Macrocosm vs. Microcosm

     Dog treats from China are killing American dogs. My old publisher is moving to China to begin "a new adventure". Several of my "old" students are currently living/working in China and having a fabulous time. Most of the sneakers I own have been made in China. At least two of my closest friends have lived in China for some period of their lives. I have blog readers in China. China and Tibet remain at odds. The Dalai Lama seeks peace. I have always wanted to visit China.

     As one of millions of Americans drastically affected by Obamacare, I worry how I am going to afford health insurance of any kind OR pay for the meds my aging self now relies upon, without a full-time job--a situation also incurred during this current Presidency.  Mom and Dad continue to fall down, bruise and batter their eighty-plus year old bodies and have several different doctors' appointments each week. Medicare and their supplemental insurance plans cover their physical woes. They are far better covered than I have ever been. How can I afford to get new glasses and new lenses and fit in an eye appointment without my current health care plan? I can't get a full-time job without an updated pair of specs, yet, every time I make enough money substituting or tutoring, to afford new specs, my insurance plan is cut.

     War in oil producing zones (with the U.S.) raises heating and gas prices and destroys the planet. Oil production and gas production destroys the planet. Use of automobile and gas-guzzling transportation destroys the planet. Human existence destroys the planet. The gas and oil and auto and human industries offer jobs and sustenance to millions of humans and allow human beings to possibly have increased comfort, health and personal lives. Pollution causes cancer and destroys lives. Destruction of all human life may save the planet. For what? For whom?

     Getting myself healthy via diet and exercise will reduce the need for meds and doctors. Affording fresh produce and vitamins can only occur with a well-paying and sustained employment opportunity. Looking good means: neat and up to date clothing kept sharp; contemporary eyewear that matches my current prescription; a reliable means of transportation; make-up and hair products; a safe environment in which to keep clothing, health products, make-up, etc. and to sleep eight hours a night; a kitchen to cook healthy meals and keep to a clean diet; a safe place to exercise and good health care to keep exercise related injuries healing; which means ability to pay rent; have healthcare; have access to transportation and afford necessary clothing, food and medical supplies. Mental health means community; friends; romance and family--not necessarily in that order. Mental health means sobriety; self-esteem; self-worth and direction. Mental health means jobs; hobbies; activities and connections. I cannot afford to leave my parents' home because of their health and mental health needs; my own lack of a full-time income; family connections. Because I need to live at my parents' home, I have no community and few adult friends in this place. I have a car that I cannot drive outside the outskirts of this town because of gas prices; repair costs and its aging condition. I cannot afford gym membership nor pool membership without a full-time job. Without an arts and feminist community and the support of such communities and the day to day life with age-appropriate friends outside of familial support, my self-esteem, sense of purpose, growth and romantic life fades away. Without confidence, self esteem and direction, the motivation to exercise, even in the cold of New England winters, withers. Without health care and easy access to it, the body also goes downhill.
Without good health, one cannot work nor will one be likely hired to begin work. I cannot see past my parents' demise.

     If Dad goes first, all goes to Mom and she wants to get rid of this home--the childhood abode of my sibs and myself and the adult crashlandingpad for all of us. If Dad goes first, Mom wants to be in an "adult community"--where all of her savings will go to keep her in care. She has never lived alone nor in such a place and has fantasies that it is like a college situation--only you have your own apartment. She has fantasies that she will be surrounded by friends and family will constantly be over to visit--as they are, now, in the family abode. Most of her friends have passed. The family is scattered and use the family home as a center of connection. The center of connection would not hold in an adult assisted living apartment complex. We have experienced several aunts and uncles end their days in these places...Mom has always paid more attention to "her version" of reality than what is going on in the world.  If she goes first, Dad will not leave this house until he's dead. But Mom takes care of his "personal needs"--including accompanying him to all the doctor visits, nursing him when he is sick, here, and "keeping house"--mostly vacuuming and cooking his dinner. If he goes down, as he has been doing a lot, lately, and breaks something and gets bedridden, one of us will have to be with him, fulltime. If one of us is with him fulltime, that person can't have a job of any kind, beyond his care. The sibs aren't in a position of paying whomever is taking care of him, fulltime, even if one of us wanted to do it. Millions of people face this position. I have read the novels and non-fiction accounts. I have seen the plays and movies and interviews. Most of my best and closest friends have begun losing their parents...but most of my best and closest friends are also married, with partners, and their lives are not so intimately connected on a daily basis. I fear being weak. I fear being selfish. I fear knowing what to do and question if I'm here for them, the family or just for myself, because I still don't have a full-time job. Millions of Americans are now without full-time employment and barely getting by. Because I'm living at the family home and Dad has a pension, I don't qualify for state healthcare--I made five thousand dollars last year, in total. If I moved onto the street I would qualify--and maybe for food stamps and housing, as well. It would kill my parents if any of their educated children were on the street. It would kill me if I was on the street.
Many people ARE on the street, or in shelters, or hiding in their cars or in the woods.

     Many millions of people are refugees, with nothing.
     Many people are refugees because of what this country has wrought.
    
    Tomorrow night, it is supposed to snow.

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