Dad's in the hospital, again. It seems that we go, now, every two months. This time, it was for surgery to remove some kind of "stone" from his kidney duct. Supposedly, it was not a big deal--and good news that they found the reason for his new stomach pain. But, when you are 86, everything is a big deal...
He went under "a general" which knocked him out. He came through, awakening in record time, and in right mind and good spirits...but they'd had to do more "cutting" than they'd first thought. So, overnight in the ICU...then, another day, to be sure, when his urine wasn't venting in a usual way...then, another day and night, this time, waiting for a vacationing doctor to return and to return us to normal.
Fathers' Day everywhere...our entire family "on hold"--finally, driving the forty miles to the hospital, preparing for his release...but the doctor wasn't "in" and Dad was not looking well and his pee output was nil, so, another night in another hospital room. All the presents and ubiquitous cards still stacked on the kitchen table, waiting for his return.
I haven't wrapped the four cans of gourmet sardines I bought for him (what can you get an 86 year old father of five that he hasn't already received, thousands of times, for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas presents or all the other Fathers' Days before? ) I babysit Mom, who is a basket case in the best of times but worse when she is removed from the city of her spouse, not just his side. My sibs take over when they drive her to the same hospital my sister works at, in a different department. I am relegated to watching the dog.
The dog who keeps whining and searching for my Dad...circling his stinky reclining chair, where she usually ends each night her "mother" is working; where she sits with her tiny soft head propped on my Dad's 86 year old feet, until she gets tired enough to rouse herself and pad into the kitchen and onto her proper doggy bed. Tonight, she kept sitting on the floor by my side--or her "mother's side"--after the family returned from tonight's frustrated jaunt to see Dad.
A Fathers' Day with a sick father, who could care less what day it was. His mind is on a breaking down body and being able to pee, so he can come home. My mind is on "where now"? And, "what's going to happen, next" and the simple, horrible fact that nothing is going to get truly "fixed", from here.
My family thrives upon stress and yelling and fighting and congratulating itself on "always being there for each other"...What does that mean? Where is this leading? What can I do that is of any real worth? Even picking up the dog's messes or remembering her supper time or taking her out of the house for short jaunts doesn't seem enough--to anyone....well, maybe to the dog....until her "mother comes home"...but for now?
I send off Light to my friends who have no father to visit in the hospital anymore. I send Light to friends who have been without a father their entire lives. I send Light to friends who were abused or neglected or hurt in untold ways by someone who claimed fatherhood but who didn't deserve that title in their lives. I send Light to friends who were abandoned or told there never was "a father"...I send Light to all the fathers who were present, involved, loving, working hard to support and keep together their families. I salute you, all.
I send Light and Prayers up to anyone, anywhere, who has been up all night, pleading with God, to maybe take a few years off their own existence, in return for some more healthy time, for their father.
Amen.
He went under "a general" which knocked him out. He came through, awakening in record time, and in right mind and good spirits...but they'd had to do more "cutting" than they'd first thought. So, overnight in the ICU...then, another day, to be sure, when his urine wasn't venting in a usual way...then, another day and night, this time, waiting for a vacationing doctor to return and to return us to normal.
Fathers' Day everywhere...our entire family "on hold"--finally, driving the forty miles to the hospital, preparing for his release...but the doctor wasn't "in" and Dad was not looking well and his pee output was nil, so, another night in another hospital room. All the presents and ubiquitous cards still stacked on the kitchen table, waiting for his return.
I haven't wrapped the four cans of gourmet sardines I bought for him (what can you get an 86 year old father of five that he hasn't already received, thousands of times, for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas presents or all the other Fathers' Days before? ) I babysit Mom, who is a basket case in the best of times but worse when she is removed from the city of her spouse, not just his side. My sibs take over when they drive her to the same hospital my sister works at, in a different department. I am relegated to watching the dog.
The dog who keeps whining and searching for my Dad...circling his stinky reclining chair, where she usually ends each night her "mother" is working; where she sits with her tiny soft head propped on my Dad's 86 year old feet, until she gets tired enough to rouse herself and pad into the kitchen and onto her proper doggy bed. Tonight, she kept sitting on the floor by my side--or her "mother's side"--after the family returned from tonight's frustrated jaunt to see Dad.
A Fathers' Day with a sick father, who could care less what day it was. His mind is on a breaking down body and being able to pee, so he can come home. My mind is on "where now"? And, "what's going to happen, next" and the simple, horrible fact that nothing is going to get truly "fixed", from here.
My family thrives upon stress and yelling and fighting and congratulating itself on "always being there for each other"...What does that mean? Where is this leading? What can I do that is of any real worth? Even picking up the dog's messes or remembering her supper time or taking her out of the house for short jaunts doesn't seem enough--to anyone....well, maybe to the dog....until her "mother comes home"...but for now?
I send off Light to my friends who have no father to visit in the hospital anymore. I send Light to friends who have been without a father their entire lives. I send Light to friends who were abused or neglected or hurt in untold ways by someone who claimed fatherhood but who didn't deserve that title in their lives. I send Light to friends who were abandoned or told there never was "a father"...I send Light to all the fathers who were present, involved, loving, working hard to support and keep together their families. I salute you, all.
I send Light and Prayers up to anyone, anywhere, who has been up all night, pleading with God, to maybe take a few years off their own existence, in return for some more healthy time, for their father.
Amen.
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