First, let me say, as I ponder what is going on around me--and my helplessness (or so it feels) to change a single thing--except my own acceptance of the situations--I have been considering all the angles...Perhaps it IS the best/cleanest approach to simply "Let Go and Let God". Clearly, I cannot change a single person's attitudes or beliefs--nor am I trying to change anyone but myself. Frankly, I don't have the energy--or the tool kit needed! Hah! Finding uninterrupted space, and time, to "sit" is problematic, but not unattainable. I may need to retreat to the middle of a lake, somewhere, floating out in my possum-scented kayak, Tortuga...but it is attainable.
Of course, part of the struggle is justification to my family--who is being supportive of my "in between time" right now. I believe part of them trusts that the many hours upstairs on my computer is surely not spent playing video games or exploring Spotify...however, their trust of the System of networking for one's next position is about as sturdy as my own...My mother still insists that I need to go around town banging on the few businesses that remain in operation, demanding interviews with the ever-absent general managers and forcing my resume down their throats...of course, she, herself, never attained a single job in this manner. But she clings to the scenario.
In her defense, when I was a teen, decades ago, and this town was a thriving furniture manufacturing hub (Gardner: Chair City to the world), I did get a couple of part-time positions for summer employment exactly that way. I also got some "after school" jobs--mostly through word of mouth--in the same vein. But that was when Gardner had an excess of employment opportunities if one was willing to commit one's life to the factory scene. At times, it seemed as if half of Quebec came to town, to push out Early American furniture. This meant the town's stores, service related industries, etc. also need to be powered up and kept growing. So, we did. But that was thirty five years ago--and the entire world has changed. Mom is well read and keeps up with t.v. news, several newspapers, and radio news...but her excursions into the world pretty much revolve around daily trips to Wal-Mart, Stop and Shop, the hospital and Church. In her eyes, I am being "lazy". Sitting with that, being patient with that continuing withering gaze and vocalized judgment, more than anything else, is the hardest lesson to deal with. My use of prayer beads, drums and chanting haven't alleviated Mom's wrath.
Fellow blogger, Terry Wolverton, points out a particularly American trait of "do it now, do it fast" and "take charge" actions to relieve our sense of pout. When things don't go as we had envision, or even as some of the metaphysical philosophies promise will occur if only we visualize clearly enough--as Americans, we take this turn of events personally and try to bulldoze our way through. Our human vision is short sighted, of course, always, and who knows what the real "best practice" or "best end" will turn out to be. (There is the Buddhist fable about the boy and the bull--check it out!)
Parts of myself (probably the parts that still need cleansing...) agree--with Terry and my Buddhist friends--but add the "if" clause: if I sit and breathe and relax into the Greatness, allowing what I cannot see to gently unfold, to trust this Void, this Invisible this Creator AND I also get right online after I meditate or chant or drum or dream or pray, continuing to rant and rave and network and reach out for human assistance--perhaps I can cover all bases. Do all things open to me. Become manic enough that even my mother will see and smile at my efforts...
It surely seems, that among my American friends, I am already sitting in the dust on the side of the road, waiting for God...for the next best thing to unfold.
Of course, part of the struggle is justification to my family--who is being supportive of my "in between time" right now. I believe part of them trusts that the many hours upstairs on my computer is surely not spent playing video games or exploring Spotify...however, their trust of the System of networking for one's next position is about as sturdy as my own...My mother still insists that I need to go around town banging on the few businesses that remain in operation, demanding interviews with the ever-absent general managers and forcing my resume down their throats...of course, she, herself, never attained a single job in this manner. But she clings to the scenario.
In her defense, when I was a teen, decades ago, and this town was a thriving furniture manufacturing hub (Gardner: Chair City to the world), I did get a couple of part-time positions for summer employment exactly that way. I also got some "after school" jobs--mostly through word of mouth--in the same vein. But that was when Gardner had an excess of employment opportunities if one was willing to commit one's life to the factory scene. At times, it seemed as if half of Quebec came to town, to push out Early American furniture. This meant the town's stores, service related industries, etc. also need to be powered up and kept growing. So, we did. But that was thirty five years ago--and the entire world has changed. Mom is well read and keeps up with t.v. news, several newspapers, and radio news...but her excursions into the world pretty much revolve around daily trips to Wal-Mart, Stop and Shop, the hospital and Church. In her eyes, I am being "lazy". Sitting with that, being patient with that continuing withering gaze and vocalized judgment, more than anything else, is the hardest lesson to deal with. My use of prayer beads, drums and chanting haven't alleviated Mom's wrath.
Fellow blogger, Terry Wolverton, points out a particularly American trait of "do it now, do it fast" and "take charge" actions to relieve our sense of pout. When things don't go as we had envision, or even as some of the metaphysical philosophies promise will occur if only we visualize clearly enough--as Americans, we take this turn of events personally and try to bulldoze our way through. Our human vision is short sighted, of course, always, and who knows what the real "best practice" or "best end" will turn out to be. (There is the Buddhist fable about the boy and the bull--check it out!)
Parts of myself (probably the parts that still need cleansing...) agree--with Terry and my Buddhist friends--but add the "if" clause: if I sit and breathe and relax into the Greatness, allowing what I cannot see to gently unfold, to trust this Void, this Invisible this Creator AND I also get right online after I meditate or chant or drum or dream or pray, continuing to rant and rave and network and reach out for human assistance--perhaps I can cover all bases. Do all things open to me. Become manic enough that even my mother will see and smile at my efforts...
It surely seems, that among my American friends, I am already sitting in the dust on the side of the road, waiting for God...for the next best thing to unfold.
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