(Disclaimer: this blog is about a real incident that just occurred...its intent is not to disparage either differently assembled human beings, nor white Liberal females of a certain age who just happen to be blonde...it is merely a cautionary tale wrapped around a moral dilemna. The totally- politically-correct may be offended. Forgive me. Please.)
Helayne's car-karma continues:
Sunday morning. I haven't cracked an eyelid nor the Sunday edition of the paper, when the phone rings.
From upstairs, loudly: "Karen, it's for YOU!"
I shuffle to the land-line on the wall.
Me: Hullo...?
Helayne: Oh my God! You will not believe what just happened! Well, actually, yesterday, but I was so exhausted I couldn't even talk. I sent an e-mail, didn't you get it?
Me: Uh, no...I was studying for my CLEP exam...fell asleep with the book on my lap, in fact...you want me to go read the e-mail?
H: Oh my God! Yesterday, I was taking the boys home from a ball game. We turned on to Shore drive and we saw a red car parked in front of our house. Under the apple tree. No big deal... we were almost in the driveway. But suddenly, the red car gunned its engine and peeled backwards! Backwards! Like twenty miles an hour! I started blaring my horn. The boys were yelling out the windows!
Me: (Suddenly wide awake.) Did you throw the Rav4 into reverse?
H: I didn't have time! I started screaming and laying on the horn and trying to shift into reverse, but he just sped up and hit us! Total bash of my front end!
Me: Are you all right? How about the guys?
H: We are fine...those Rav4s are solid...you know I have always said--
Me: Helayne! Finish the story! What happened???!!
H: Well, his car died after the crash. I stayed in the SUV. The boys took out their cell phones and dialed 911. I was hollaring at the guy in the red car, but I figured I better stay in my car, I mean, he could have been anybody--
Me: Yeah, he coulda had a gun, a broken bottle...a chainsaw...
H: Suddenly, his driver's side door flies open, and he gets out--
Me: Was he huge? Was he carrying anything?
H: Karen--it was so sad!
Me: Was he bleeding?
H: No...but, well, he was strange looking--
Me: How strange? A meat mask? Nude? Really hairy?
H: No! Shut up! I mean, I was in shock, so, my first impression wasn't all there...but , when he got out, all I could think was "I've been hit by a Troll--a real-life Troll! That's awful, I know, but that was my first thought! He had, like, one short arm and one longer arm and there was something wrong with one of his legs...then I realized, he's my neighbor, from the next street over, on the corner! I've seen him across the road, in his yard!
Me: That doesn't excuse him from ignoring your horn, nor speeding backwards into your vehicle...c'mon!
H: I know, I know, I just felt bad ,when he got out, and I realized who he really was...until he came over to my car...
Me: Then he took out the pick axe...
H: No! But...he really... smelled...
Me: Like BO ?
H: Like booze...he was staggering...
Me: From his leg?
H: He didn't get the shortened leg in the crash--
Me: I don't mean that! I mean, like, was that his usual way of walking...because of his...leg...being short...on one side...I mean...differently abled...physically challenged...
H: Oh, I thought, you meant he'd gotten crippled in the crash-- no--he was staggering because I'm sure he was drunk --he didn't knock his head or anything--his airbag didn't go off--he just rammed my front end at twenty five miles an hour and staggered over to my car, smelling like a beer can, while we were freaking out. HE wasn't even upset!
Me: Did he say anything?
H: Yes, yes he did! He moved to the point of the crash, checked out HIS bumper, noting that mine was totally caved in, and said, "Well, MY car doesn't even look scratched! Hey, guess I don't have to call the police and report it, eh?"
Me: Man--he must have been high!
H: That's what the boys were saying, in the back seat! They got the police and the police said they'd send someone over right away--to get the insurance info and the license plate number. I told the man that the police were coming--I didn't even get out of the car!
Me: Did he exchange insurance stuff?
H: No! He just said the accident wasn't bad enough and got into his car and pulled a u-turn and drove back down the street, to his driveway, and parked! Then he staggered into his house and slammed the front door! We can see his door from our house! That's how I know he's a neighbor!
Me: Did the police arrive?
H: Yes, right away. A really sweet, young officer. I told him what had happened. The boys told him what they experienced, which, of course, was the same thing. We pointed to where the guy had parked his car and gone into his house. I said that I thought the man was drunk...but...I mean...he's also differently abled--I mean, what if he's mentally differently abled, too? I mean, I felt bad, but I was also really upset--you should see the SUV! The entire front bumper is hanging!
Me: But, YOU are all right? You sure you don't need to go to the hospital to get checked out? Or the boys?
H: No, we were all belted in and we saw the guy coming, so I guess we were braced...He stopped once he hit us, so, it isn't like we slid and got hit again...I'm a nurse...I'd know if something was wrong...
Me: Helayne, shouldn't feel guilty....you didn't cause the accident...you weren't texting or talking to the boys or drinking while you were driving...It's unfortunate the guy has a short arm and leg...but you didn't tell him to back into you at twenty five miles an hour!
H: Yeah, and when I asked him why he didn't react to the horn--or even look behind him before going in reverse--he said, "Well, I heard a horn coming from somewhere but I couldn't locate the direction..."
Me: That's what mirrors are for, or looking over your shoulder...geez!
H: And I did smell him--
Me: You did say that you noticed he had a strange aroma when he approached your vehicle.
H: I told the cop. I was glad he got there so fast, too. I mean, when the cop went over to the guy's house, to interview him, there's no way the cop wouldn't notice the odor. I mean...if it is alcohol...or drugs...I just hope...well...
Me: Well what?
H: Well, like, he isn't mentally handicapped, or on meds that made him do it...I just feel bad about reporting him, I guess...cause...well...you know...
Me: Because you thought he looked like a Troll when he staggered out of his car???!!!Helayne...he shouldn't be driving if he's on those kinds of meds...or handicapped in such a way he can't hear a horn blaring right behind him OR not be able to make use of his mirrors or look over his shoulder before throwing the car in reverse! It's got nothing to do with what he looks like!
H: People walk up and down this road, on their bikes, jogging--all the time...old people walking in the morning and at sundown...even dogs and cats around here--
Me: And the geese! Don't forget the Canadian geese coming up from the pond!
H: I tell Timmy all the time, do not go out running after the sun goes down, even in summer--this is a lesson for both boys...I guess.
Me: Yup...
H: I guess I feel bad...about the arm and leg...thinking he looks like a Troll...I think he goes across the road and comes over to Shore Drive, in front of my house, to back into his driveway, across the street. It's at a slant,so I think he has to build up momentum to make it...
Me: Oh that's great! Helayne, he was driving out of control, unsafely, wasn't listening or looking, and that's a helluva strategy, across two roads, to back into his driveway! Plus, the guy might have been drunk!
H: The cop helped me pull out the major dent, in the front of the bumper--
Me: Remember when Tortuga got hit in the parking lot? The bump came out, but the whole bumper was just hanging there, in space! They had to weld a big L-joint or something, under the frame, to rehang the bumper. You have to get your insurance folks to do an estimate and get it fixed, no matter what it looks like--if the guy was one hundred percent able-bodied, you'd be after his butt, and I don't mean in a good way!
H: You're right...You know, he isn't much younger than us--
Me: YOUNGER than us???? I thought it was an old dude!
H: He was about our age, actually--
Me: Get on the phone with the insurance company, Helayne. Seriously. My cousin with Down's Syndrome and my other cousin with MS would advise the same.
H: I did call...the insurance people are coming over on Monday...I just feel...icky.
Me: I would feel icky if my deductible was too high.
H: What is it with us and cars, Minns?
Me: I don't know. Maybe we were Nazis in another life...or Trolls.
H: That isn't even funny.
Me: I'm being serious. Take an aspirin. I'm glad you are okay.
H: Happy Sunday...Guess we aren't going kayaking. Bye.
(When I got off the phone, Maeve was sitting on the kitchen floor, smiling.)
No comments:
Post a Comment