Coming off of two weeks of family drama that I wouldn't have believed possible (but should have guessed was probable)--including telling folks at the house in Maine, on the little cove, that I was going out kayaking and would be back in three hours, in time for dinner reservations--only to find, two and a half hours later, standing on the cliffs and shouting into the fog, not only my familia, but visiting friends and their kids, all looking madly over the surf, trying to spot my wrecked kayak or my floating body! The visiting cop suggested calling the Coast Guard, until my sister informed him, off the cuff, "Well, she IS an experienced kayaker..."
Yeah, for thirty years, in the surf AND still- waters of CA, as well as NE...
It is nice to be worried about, but it is even nicer to be listened to. To have people suspend their own practiced responses and really listen to a comment, concern or shared perspective. Why is it, in families, this is so difficult? Why is everyone so competitive, always trying to "up the ante", always trying to layer your comment or narrative with a better one of their own? Is it that they feel one is trying to prove one's life more interesting? Valuable? Intense? Or, are they simply still competing with the eldest--to claw their way to the top of the emotional heap? I know for a fact that praise, in our family, at least to our faces, remains negligible.( My parental units still fear that we will be spoiled if told that we had succeeded in some small area of our childhood...Or that questioning authority, ANY authority, (The Church, the City, the School, Them...) would result in instant failure; in embarrassment for the clan.)
Love means constant correction and criticism.
"We wouldn't do it if we didn't care."
Yeah. Hmmm. Well, well done then. Because constant critiques seem to be a way of life back in New England--not that I'm not used to this, as an artist and as an educator. However, it makes me wonder how much dysfunction does not arise from this mantra?
Something to stop and consider--in a kayak, or out.
Yeah, for thirty years, in the surf AND still- waters of CA, as well as NE...
It is nice to be worried about, but it is even nicer to be listened to. To have people suspend their own practiced responses and really listen to a comment, concern or shared perspective. Why is it, in families, this is so difficult? Why is everyone so competitive, always trying to "up the ante", always trying to layer your comment or narrative with a better one of their own? Is it that they feel one is trying to prove one's life more interesting? Valuable? Intense? Or, are they simply still competing with the eldest--to claw their way to the top of the emotional heap? I know for a fact that praise, in our family, at least to our faces, remains negligible.( My parental units still fear that we will be spoiled if told that we had succeeded in some small area of our childhood...Or that questioning authority, ANY authority, (The Church, the City, the School, Them...) would result in instant failure; in embarrassment for the clan.)
Love means constant correction and criticism.
"We wouldn't do it if we didn't care."
Yeah. Hmmm. Well, well done then. Because constant critiques seem to be a way of life back in New England--not that I'm not used to this, as an artist and as an educator. However, it makes me wonder how much dysfunction does not arise from this mantra?
Something to stop and consider--in a kayak, or out.
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