Hey, this is a "blog-out" to my favorite DeVincenzo's as they travel from Colorado back to our hometown, to see their family. I know you are reading this and driving with the kid and dogs and are enjoying all the backroad wonders this end of America keeps to itself! I wish I were taking the journey with you--on so many levels...a van of good music, better food and company and those truly Buddhavibes that I haven't quite found around our piece of real estate. So travel safe, travel fast (but not too fast) and play some Dead in my name! Hah.
A cautionary tale to keep you company: Helayne and I were coming home from Worcester State University one night,not long ago. We were talking but also paying attention to the road--deer and moose sightings lately, especially in the forested twisty paths leading back to Gardner. As we cruised through Westminister, suddenly, just on the border, brilliant blue lights and screaming sirens! I nearly choked on a jujube while Helayne pulled over, trembling.
Helayne: In the dash--can you reach it, it's my registration...
Me: Helayne, put your hands on the steering wheel!
Helayne: Maybe it's behind me, in my hobo bag--can you crawl back over the seat and snatch it?
Me: Helayne! I'm serious! Put your hands on the steering wheel and cut the engine!
Helayne: Why? I have to reach my registration, Minns...
Me: Helayne! Put your hands on the wheel! Cops don't play around when they approach a car, especially at night, on an empty road! Put your hands on the wheel where they can see them!
Helayne: This isn't L.A....
Me: Trust me--Kevin's the LT. for the Gardner cops...I know what these guys go through when they pull people over...it's a big adrenlin bulge to their brains..."Do they have concealed guns? Drugs? Knives? Hidden dogs or people ready to jump when I approach the car? Explosives? They gonna try to ram me? Run?..."
Helayne: My God! (She turns off engine and puts hands on the wheel.)
From my left side, I can see this cop get out of his SUV and hitch his pants up. He has a hand on a flashlight and one on his holster. My entire life in Los Angeles flashes before me as I watch him shine his light all through Helayne's SUV. Finally, he gets to the front seat. His light floods our laps and our faces. The cop steps back...and laughs out loud...
Cop: Ladies,do you realize this is a 40 mile an hour zone, and 30, in the middle of town?
Helayne: I think I was doing that...
Cop: Nope. You were doing about 42...
Helayne: Officer, I am so sorry...we were talking and I guess I just didn't realize, as I came around that long curve...(Her voice is quavery and her hands are shaking...)
Cop: Do you know what a speeding ticket costs, these days?
Helayne: Officer, please, I'm unemployed, I've got kids, I'm a single parent...I've --
Cop: Yeah...it's probably been years since you had a ticket...(He looks at H. and at me, then grins, again. I am a bit insulted, but say nothing...)
Cop: Well, I'll let you go with a warning, this time, cause you weren't going that fast...but watch it, okay?
Helayne: Yes, I will, and thank you, Officer. Truly.
Cop: Hitching pants, stepping back, steps forward, again: One more thing, you ladies might want to consider lowering the bass on your boom box when you are driving through town in the dark--I heard you coming all the way down the road!
Me: Officer, we weren't playing music. Just talking...must have been another car in front of us...or behind us...(I nod to the dark cd player on the dash.)
Cop: Hmmm....yeah, I guess I believe that...(He shines a light on our "old faces" again, laughing.) Steps away, waving us on.
Helayne is still jittery as we pull back on to the road and head towards South Gardner, past the dead wood beaver swamp...
Me: Well, I'm totally insulted!
H.: Don't be! I'm thanking God in Heaven! That ticket's over a hundred bucks! How would I have paid it?
Me: Yeah, but he let us off cause he thought it was funny--two "old ladies", cruising around on a weeknight, speeding through the swamp--blaring rap with the bass up full blast!
H: I don't care, Minns....whatever works...we weren't playing the music, anyway...
So, my traveling buddies, watch out between Westminister and Gardner, going past Kay's...there's a twenty-something cop with a sense of humor that borders on the ageist, and big SUV with all the cop accutrements...turn down the music--at least the bass--and watch for shifting speed signs.
The beavers won't give you any trouble at all!
Peace.
minns
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